
When you are in a situation where you feel unsure, confused and stuck, there is a good chance that people around you will be advising you, in good faith, to get clarity, and to identify what you truly want. The reality, however, is that if it were that simple, you would have already done it—and I wouldn’t be writing this piece.
For many of us, life is fast-paced, with our attention constantly sought by family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, and a relentless online world. Phone addiction is widespread, leaving many feeling unsettled and muddled.
Our interests, opinions, habits, and behaviours are tracked by algorithms that lead us, often unknowingly, to clickbait. This process frequently feeds into industries like pharmaceuticals and recreational drug dealers and alcohol suppliers as people 'medicate' to cope with feelings of insecurity, loneliness, sadness, and overwhelm. Under such constant bombardment, it becomes incredibly difficult to quiet the noise in our minds and achieve the clarity needed to define what we want, what we don’t want, and to set healthy boundaries for ourselves.
Another obstacle to clarity is the character that lives in our minds—our inner voice. This voice often speaks critically, echoing negative thought patterns that hold us back, keeping us stuck and deterring progress.
So, the big question is: How can we quiet the noise?
Step 1 – Recognise that your current life—your work, relationships, surroundings, assets, health, and overall state—is a reflection of your habitual thought patterns. The life you’re living is directly shaped by the way you think.
Step 2 – Understand that making change starts with changing your thinking. This is not an overnight task. It will feel uncomfortable—like a right-handed person suddenly being told to write with their left hand. Try it yourself. The urge to revert to the familiar will be strong, because it’s easier. Establishing new thought patterns takes time, dedication, determination, and patience.
Step 3 – Be acutely aware of the tone, language, and emotional state of your inner voice. It’s nearly impossible to grow and make positive change without taking control of this aspect of yourself. This requires discipline, careful listening, and patience. That’s why many people fail to gain control over their inner voice. Try giving your inner voice a name and visualising it as a separate entity, which helps you begin the process of dissociation.
Step 4 – Pay attention to your relationship with your phone and screens, including computers, TVs, and games. What captures your attention? How much of your screen time contributes to your personal growth, as opposed to benefiting others for profit?
Step 5 – Remember: simplicity and raw honesty are essential when striving for clarity. Identify a space where you can think without distraction, a space where you can truly connect with your wants, your don't wants, and the boundaries you need to establish. You will need to carve out time and space for this.
Step 6 – Once you've created this space, write two lists:
I want...
I don't want...
These lists will form the foundation of your boundaries. Be brutally honest with yourself during this process. Let go of the opinions and judgments of others—this work must come from within. As you define your wants, your don't wants, and your boundaries, you’re embarking on a journey that will level up your personal growth, helping you evolve into a more thoughtful and self-aware version of yourself.
Step 7 – Expect setbacks, frustrations, and feelings of vulnerability. The truth is, there will be bumps along the road. These bumps represent the internal struggle between your old way of thinking and the new mindset you’re working to establish. By anticipating these challenges, you can avoid the trap of perfectionism that leads to self-doubt and anxiety. Embrace the reality of the inner conflicts that arise as you work toward meaningful change.
Step 8 – When faced with tough decisions and feeling reluctant to choose a path, be curious about yourself. Ask “why?” repeatedly until you peel away the layers of limiting beliefs and fears that may be hijacking your decision-making. Often, these limiting thoughts are buried deep, and it’s only through persistence and introspection that you can uncover them. Keep asking “why?” pay attention to your answers until you reach the core of what’s truly holding you back. The process can be uncomfortable, but it’s a crucial part of understanding yourself and making choices that align with your deeper values and goals. The answers you uncover will help free you from the patterns that previously dictated your decisions and build a more honest relationship with yourself. Expect the unexpected. Sometimes the answers that you get may not be the ones that you anticipated.