top of page

People-pleasing

Writer's picture: Catherina CaseyCatherina Casey

Updated: Aug 9, 2024

'People-pleasing' in other words, prioritising the needs and wants of others, can be enjoyable. It can make you feel good inside. However, if you tend to be a people-pleaser you must remain alert to how this affects the dynamics and balance of your relationships with others.


Fear of rejection: People-pleasers often fear that if they don't 'go along' with the wishes of others, they will be rejected or abandoned. This fear can be rooted in past experiences and/or in low self-esteem and feelings of not being worthy of love and acceptance. A desire for approval: Similar to the need for acceptance and approval, people-pleasers may feel a strong desire to be liked and approved of by others and that by meeting others' needs and making them happy they will be seen as relevant. Difficulty setting boundaries: People-pleasers often struggle with setting boundaries and saying 'no'. They may feel guilty or selfish for prioritising their own needs, and may not know how to assert themselves with conviction. Lack of self-awareness: In fact, many people-pleasers are unaware of their own needs and desires, or may not know how to effectively communicate them to others. This can lead to a pattern of putting others first, even at the expense of their own well-being. Need for control: In some cases, people-pleasing can be a way for individuals to gain control over their environment or relationships. By making others happy and meeting their needs, they may feel like they have some level of control or 'upper-hand' in the situation.

It's important to recognise that while people-pleasing may feel necessary, in the long run, it can lead to burnout, resentment and toxic relationships. Therefore, make sure to give yourself the respect, time, and space to define and understand your own needs before you think about the needs of others. When you prioritise your own sense of well-being and fulfillment and learn to protect this with strong boundaries, only then will you be better placed to support others in a healthy, balanced way.

bottom of page