Breaking the Grip of Toxic Thought Spirals in the Moment

I was inspired to write this blog after a recent coaching session, having noticed how often this issue arises with clients in different circumstances , and how, in truth, it’s something most of us face at some point in life. What I have found is that most of us don’t struggle because of what is actually happening. We struggle because of what our mind is telling us might be happening. Anxiety has a way of creating worst-case stories,  in our relationships, in business, in leadership roles and in moments where pressure is high and certainty feels low.

It might sound like: What if I’ve made the wrong decision? What if they’re talking about me behind my back? What if this deal falls through? What if I embarrass myself or fail?

Once the mind locks onto fear, it can spiral quickly, pulling us into overthinking, emotional reactions, poor communication, control behaviours, and exhaustion. And the harder we try to think our way out of it, the stronger the thoughts often become. That’s because anxiety doesn’t live in the mind alone. It lives in the body. When the nervous system feels unsafe, the brain looks for threats. When the body calms, the mind follows.

When I Learned this the Hard Way

For years, I struggled with a deep fear of public speaking. In business, I was confident, leading teams, managing projects across industries and countries, making big decisions under pressure. But the moment I had to stand up and speak in front of a room, my body reacted instantly. My chest tightened. My stomach churned. My thoughts raced ahead into everything that could go wrong. The story in my head was always the same: What if I freeze? What if I mess up? What if I embarrass myself? And the more I tried to calm my mind, the worse it became.

What eventually changed everything wasn’t positive thinking or forcing confidence. It was learning to work with my body. Instead of fighting the fear, I started noticing where it showed up physically, the tightness, the knot, the surge of energy. I breathed into those sensations and allowed them to settle rather than pushing them away. Gradually, the fear lost its grip. Not because the thoughts vanished, but because my nervous system learned that I was safe. Today, public speaking is something I still don’t particularly enjoy but I am much more at ease with it. More importantly, it learned a powerful lesson: when we calm the body, the mind follows.

Why Fighting Thoughts Rarely Works, in Life or Business

When a distressing thought appears, about a relationship, a colleague, a decision or performance, our instinct is to analyse it, seek certainty, replay scenarios or try to control outcomes. But anxious thoughts aren’t logical problems. They are fear responses. And fear doesn’t respond well to debate. It responds to safety. This is why the most resilient people, in leadership and in life, are not those who never feel fear, but those who know how to regulate their nervous system when it arises.

A Body-Based Reset to Break the Spiral

This simple process helps interrupt anxiety at the level it begins, whether the trigger is personal or professional.

1. Catch the Pattern Early

As soon as you notice: • racing thoughts • fear or doubt• assumptions or suspicion • the urge to overthink, react or control

Tell yourself:

“This is a thought -  not reality

2. Scan your Body

Instead of following the story, bring attention into your body. Carry-out a body scan to identify where you are physically feeling the thought. You might be surprised.

Common areas include:

chest

stomach

throat or neck

shoulders

jaw

gut

Stay with the feeling - not the narrative.

3. Turn the Feeling into an Image

Give the sensation a shape:

A knot A tight ball A cloud A weight A clamp A rope

Whatever feels accurate.

4. Breathe It Apart

Slow breaths:

In through the nose for 4 seconds. Out through the mouth for 6 seconds As you breathe out, imagine the image loosening, breaking up, fading or dissolving. Continue for around 60–90 seconds.

5. Ground Back into the Present

Name: 3 things you can see 2 things you can hear 1 thing you can feel physically

Then remind yourself:

“Right now, I’m okay.”

Why This Works Under Pressure

Anxiety thrives in imagined futures and mental stories. Presence brings you back into the now, where clarity, choice and control live.

Over time, this practice: reduces emotional reactivity improves decision-making builds resilience prevents burnout strengthens confidence

This is as powerful in boardrooms as it is in personal relationships.

A Few Truths Worth Holding Onto

Thoughts are not facts Anxiety often creates stories that sabotage success The body settles faster than the mind• Presence beats overthinking every time

Remember: Each reset weakens toxic thought spirals.

This isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about training your nervous system to respond differently. And that is one of the most valuable skills you can develop, in life and in business.

A Final Thought

Overthinking isn’t a weakness. It’s a nervous system that has learned to stay alert in order to feel safe. When we understand this, we stop fighting ourselves and start working with ourselves. Whether the fear shows up in relationships, leadership, money, parenting or performance, the skill is the same, learning to notice when the mind spirals and gently bringing the body back into calm and presence. This is at the heart of resilience.

If you’d like support in developing these skills, for yourself, your team or your organisation, my work focuses on helping people build emotional awareness, regulate stress responses, and create stronger, calmer ways of thinking and leading in both life and business. Because when we learn to stand guard at the door of our own mind, we don’t just cope better. We live and lead better.