When trust is not present , or when it is misunderstood, the consequences can be significant. Communication deteriorates. Defensive thinking creeps in. Stories are filled in rather than clarified. At this point, many people focus on blame: Who broke the trust? Who is right?

Before a thought ever appears, something else has already happened. A tone of voice. A look. A silence. A bodily sensation. A familiar emotional signal. Attention narrows. Meaning is assigned. And only then does the thought arrive. By the time it shows up as: I can’t handle this. This isn’t safe. I should keep quiet. it already carries weight. That weight doesn’t come from truth. It comes from history.  

Once the mind locks onto fear, it can spiral quickly, pulling us into overthinking, emotional reactions, poor communication, control behaviours, and exhaustion. And the harder we try to think our way out of it, the stronger the thoughts often become. That’s because anxiety doesn’t live in the mind alone. It lives in the body. When the nervous system feels unsafe, the brain looks for threats. When the body calms, the mind follows.

People-pleasing is linked to fear of rejection, need for approval, difficulty setting boundaries, lack of self-awareness, and control issues and is often rooted in learned behaviour when you were growing up.

When you are in a situation where you feel unsure, confused and stuck, there is a good chance that people around you will be advising you, in good faith, to get clarity, and to identify what you truly want. The reality, however, is that if it were that simple, you would have already done it, and I wouldn’t be writing this piece.

Cancel culture adds another layer to the struggle for self-worth. What began as a tool for accountability has evolved into a climate of fear, where missteps can lead to harsh judgment. As a result, people often feel pressured to conform, stifling authentic self-expression. This fear of judgment erodes self-worth, suppressing the courage and curiosity that fuel personal growth and replacing them with anxiety and a constant need for approval. When we censor ourselves to fit in

But consider this: by relying on "love" to capture everything we care about, we’re flattening complex emotions into a single word. Real relationships, whether with people, experiences, or even objects, are multifaceted. Reducing these connections to one simple, overused term risks losing sight of what each one truly means. Worse, it can stymie our growth, keeping us from exploring the deeper truths within our relationships and ourselves.