Fear of public speaking is one that I am very familiar with as I lived with it for years. I believed and regularly declared ‘I’m a terrible public speaker’. It's a fear that can be limiting, debilitating, and damaging to your self-confidence and an obstacle to making real and positive progress. I deliberately avoided many situations where I might be asked to speak. I envied those around me who seemed so at ease with speaking in public, walking confidently on stage or in front of a group, their body language relaxed and looking like they owned the space. On those unavoidable occasions where I was called upon to speak in public or make a presentation, I would literally break out in a cold sweat. After I had finished, I would beat myself up so much! I felt stupid, judged, not good enough, paranoid, a pretender. My default position was always ‘I am so bad at this’. Paradoxically, I am an extroverted people-person, so, when ever I confessed that I had a fear of speaking in public, people thought I was joking, and, of course, this increased what I perceived as pressure!
A few years ago, I realised that by not dealing with this fear I was magnifying it and defining myself by it. I had allowed it to grow into a beast in my mind and finally arrived at the point where I decided that enough was enough and that, somehow, I had to find a way to take control. I identified that the main perpetrator of this fear was my own inner voice. This led me to the idea of personalising my internal saboteur, giving it a name and an appearance; creating an ‘other’ person to whom I would delegate responsibility for all my limiting beliefs. Using this approach, I found, over time, my inner chat began to change as I defended my self against this 'other' and I started to get a grip on managing my inner dialogue. I recognised that breaking the stifling hold my saboteur had over my mindset was the key to change.
I am not going to claim this was an easy mindset shift - it wasn’t. However, it really helped me begin the journey to understanding that the saboteur voice inside my mind was a ‘virus in my belief software’ and that I could carry out mindset upgrades to improve my relationship with myself. I realised that allowing myself to revert to the default habit of listening to the saboteur telling me that I was a ‘terrible public speaker’, meant that I would keep getting the same result.
It is important to bear in mind that you will always find evidence to back your chosen belief to keep you locked in a thought cycle.
Beliefs are optional. They are not fixed or immutable and can be changed.
OK. I know this sounds obvious but many of us rather than face our fears, avoid them, or park them to be dealt with on another day. The thing is 'taming the beast’ that is your fear is an unavoidable step in the journey of development and progress. Your discomfort zone is the ultimate growth place, and it can be painful. You will feel out of your depth, you will question your ability to get something done and what others will think of you, you will doubt yourself, feel self-conscious, nervous, and most of all, emotionally vulnerable. However, exposing your naked mind knowing, that you may encounter everything you fear, is the way through to the other side. If you continue down the path of avoidance or denial, ‘the beast’ will keep you locked in your 'cage of limitations'. Susan Jeffers, the American psychologist advised, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. I say, 'do it again and again and then do it again’. ‘Be prepared to feel everything, experience it all. Be curious, be aware of your reactions as you go through the fire of your fear. Compare the experience of overcoming your fear to learning to walk as a child. You didn't give up trying no matter how many times you fell! You got up, again and again and then, one day, you took your first steps. As that child, your mind was not holding you hostage, instead you were fully engaged with your senses in your desire and focus to walk. This is what is possible when you get out of the self-imposed jail of your own mind!